So You're Getting
No matter if you have been planning on this day for months or years, or dreaming of it since
the day you could walk, you are now finally getting
married. After the excitement of this very special day wears off, it is now time to
start considering the plans for your special day.
TALKING ABOUT GOALS
Your first goal is to come together and talk about the upcoming marriage. You
will need to talk about what you each hope to accomplish in this very special event.
Although, many men do not play a specific role in planning each aspect of the
wedding more men than ever are getting involved. They do have the right to make this their special day too, of
course. So, step one of your plan should be to talk about what your goals are.
What to talk about:
What do you imagine your wedding to be like?
What does your soon to be spouse believe is the perfect wedding?
Do you want a large wedding or a private, small wedding?
Do you plan to have a lavish event or a simple celebration?
What are weddings like in your family, and his?
What things do you really hope are not part of your wedding?
Talk about these areas with your significant other. Find out what their opinions
are and start talking about the special day. Do not make any firm decisions, but do talk about what your hopes
and dreams are for this very special occasion.
Hold on…telling your parents about your wedding is a good
thing, so why is this such a big deal? It could be some parents want to immediately step in and take over the
planning. It could be that your parents are not sure you are ready, either.
Telling both sets of parents can be a lot of fun, if you present it in the right
Keep yourself positive and motivated. In some families and religions, it is still
proper for the man to approach the father of the soon to be bride and ask for her hand in marriage. If this is
something that would be the expectation, go for it.
Telling Mom and Dad may be one of the easiest assignments for you thus far. On
the other hand, it may be a challenge. Do not wait, though. If you wait to tell them for several weeks, chances
are good they will be more frustrated later.
THE INITIAL BUDGET
Now that everyone is happily celebrating your soon to be wedding, the next step
is to set the initial budget. There is no way for you to know how much the dress will cost, how much the
reception hall will be or what amount to set aside for flowers. Yet, you may need to cap the wedding at some
level right now. For most couples this is the amount of money available to them.
Here are some things to think about:
The average American wedding can range from $10,000 to $25,000.
You can cut costs along the way to have a glamorous wedding for
Do not assume that your parents are paying for the wedding. Many parents
simply cannot afford the cost of a wedding in these difficult times.
Set a budget at the low end. Know what the high end is, too.
Going into debt is something that many couples end up doing right from the start.
The problem is, if you max out your credit cards on your wedding planning,
there is little for a down payment on a home or that fabulous honeymoon you are thinking. Therefore, keep the
short-term goals of wedding on your mind, while still realizing the important of long-term financial
Tip: Consider seeking out financial planning classes for you both, now.
That way, you can start your married life one-step ahead of the game.
WHO IS PAYING FOR WHAT?
An important consideration at this point is to work out who is paying for the wedding. Talk to your
parents about it. Talk to your soon to be in laws, too. Find out if they plan to contribute in any way, in a
nice manner, of course!
If your parents simply cannot afford to do so, they may be able to offer their
home for the reception site or they may be willing to contribute in another way. Allow them this
It is up to you to come up with some ideas. You are getting the process of
wedding started, which is no easy task. Before you can make big decisions though, you need to work
together to come up with a number of different things, especially knowing what your both are hoping for.
WHO IS HELPING YOU PLAN?
Take a deep breath. You do not have to do this alone. Many more women and men are
planners to help them to plan their wedding. You do not have to have an endless budget to hire these
planners. Rather, they simple account for a portion of your budget. The rest is what they get to work
Second, you may have parents who can help you with the planning. You may not want
them to do so, though. Your goal for this step, then, is to determine if you will hire a wedding planner, use
friends and family, or go it alone. Keep in mind that there is a lot to do, especially if you are planning your
wedding in just a few short weeks. In addition, if you work full time, have children or otherwise are limited
by the amount of time you have, hiring a professional is a good idea.
WHO WILL YOU HIRE?
Let us assume you do hire a wedding planner in this step. The good news is that
there are fantastic professionals out there to aid you in the process. The bad news is that there are some not
so good professionals. Here are tips to help you with this decision.
1. Learn about the wedding planner, including what type of experience they
have planning weddings.
2. Ask them about their ability to plan a wedding within your
3. Ask for references from couples who have used their services and contact
4. Note that wedding planners do require a down payment, but you should not
have to pay for all of their services up front.
5. Do sign a contract that outlines everything these professionals will do
for you and will not do for you. Be sure to hold on to a copy for yourself, too.
GOING IT ALONE?
If you do plan to do the planning of your wedding on your own, you will need to
take some specific considerations. You will need to call people, to interview people and to research anyone
that you hire for any of the services you have at your wedding.
In the following pages, you will be given ideas about each professional, but full
research of these companies has to be done. Be sure you have invested a good deal of time in planning your
wedding. It really cannot just be on weekends and lunch breaks!
Set aside time to review your plans thus far.
Note that you will likely run into obstacles along the way. It is normal
to do so.
Realize you may have to reach out for help at some point and that should
Keep in mind that you both can work on the wedding together.
Give yourself time each weekend to get caught up on wedding planning
KNOW WHAT YOU WANT
Now that you know who is doing the planning, the next step is to know what to
plan. In the following pages, you will be given specific tasks to accomplish. Be sure that you are diving right
in and making decisions. There is often plenty of decisions to be made, too. The good news is that you will not
miss anything with all the advice in this site.
You will have to make decisions about what you want, though. Take note of what
your goals are. Remember to make decisions and later, if you need to, you can come back and make changes to
those goals if you need to.
GUEST LIST PLANNING
Finally, before moving on, it is time to work on your guest list. You will not
have hard numbers right now, but your goal is to have an estimated number of people to plan for. At every other
stage in the process, you will need to know about how many people will attend.
Work with your parents to get a guest list going.
Do not forget the other side of the family, too.
Talk about friends, family, relatives, neighbors, your parent's
friends…anyone who may want to be there.
Leave pairing down the wedding to later.
Realize that your wedding can be as intimate as you would like it to be
or as large as you want.
Next, we will discuss some of the Many Big Decisions You Have To